I had the pleasure of performing this piece on Mother’s Day for my mom. I can’t explain all the ways she means to me, but here’s a start.
To My Body:
I am sorry. Sorry for treating you like you didn’t matter or that you were less then. You didn’t deserve it.
Your only goal was to protect my mind and heart, and what I gave you in return was talk down to you, try to destroy you, and put you through pain.
I can continue to tell you how sorry I am, but this you already know. I will instead thank you for all that you’ve done.
Body…thank you for protecting me from the outside world and taking in the battle scars.
Body…thank you carrying my emotional baggage. I am ok now, and It’s ok to let go.
Body…thank you for providing me strength to keep going even when I didn’t want to.
Thank you for being you. I promise to treat you as the queen you are.
I won’t ask how you are because you kind of already know. I am writing this letter to you as a reminder for when it gets hard to look back and see how far you’ve come.
A year ago today (technically 02/09/17, but like you haven’t gone to bed yet so whatever) you were laid off from your dream job…correction what you thought was your dream job. You could say you were blindsided. You could say it tapped into your biggest insecurities of not being enough. And probably a billion more things. But it was the biggest blessing to ever happen to you. A blessing of no longer accepting being grateful to have this job.
That is hard to say because you look back on the last year, and most will see the negative. Losing a job. Becoming sick. Starting a new job in an unhealthy environment which you later quit with no backup. However, you also look back and see a bunch of positives. In no particular order:
- Started running again
- Got an open run with Matt Damon Improv
- Strengthen your spirituality
- Performed in two sketch shows
- Established yourself as a solo performer
- Started producing, directing, and teaching
- Strengthen your relationship with your mom
- Got a roommate
- Became closer with friends
- Made amazing friends you call family
- Opened up more
- Chicago Nights
- Stopped complaining about lack of representation and did something about it
- Your birthday weekend/#ScorpioSeason
- Getting paid to travel and perform
- Didn’t give up
There are so many things that you are forgetting, but for all the bad times where you just wanted to sleep and not wake up…you woke up and got out of bed. And some days, that was enough. You are enough.
I know Mama, you moved to Chicago to learn improv, but in the three and half years since, you have become a butterfly goddess. Some people will judge and not understand, and that is not your problem. All you truly need to worry about is you and yours. After that, you can’t control everything.
Maria…had you’ve not gotten laid off, who knows what would have happened. Perhaps passed out on the train. Hospital. I don’t know. What I can tell you is someone was looking out for you. They knew your path was better by getting knocked down to get back up.
And yes, they’ll be days where you will want to quit. And there will be days where it’s just too much. And you’ll go through worse. But you cannot give up on yourself.
A year from now, you will be better with a dream life many are afraid to go after. Go to sleep love. You have a whole day of world domination a head of you.